I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
