So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
