No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
