There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
