I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
