is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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