My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
