Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
