just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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