i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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