this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
