i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
