My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just blew my weed a kiss
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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