I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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