I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
