M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How external is "for external use only"?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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