I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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