This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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