I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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