alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
