just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
