I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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