You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
