look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
