He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
