Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm like, not good at living.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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