you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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