KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
