there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My vagina is very pro this idea
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize