Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i came on her dog
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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