I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
