He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
