i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
