My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
