I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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