I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Randomize
