Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
