I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
