I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
