Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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