WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize