you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
