Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
