He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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