My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
