I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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