The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
