those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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