dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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