remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
