i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
