Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
