Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
