Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize