:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
