The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
