Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
